General Thoughts

Mid life is a hallmark for women. We have many victories under our belts. And just as we have won and felt immense joy we have also suffered loss and experienced painful grief. Because grieving is an inevitable chapter in our life the more prepared we are, the easier the read will be. When we educate ourselves and strive to keep our life as a balanced wheel we will navigate the potholes of crisis with smoother steering.

Today I am sharing 5 tips that will not only enhance your day to day living but help support you in times of greater need.

1) Don’t be a people pleaser – Learn to set and keep boundaries- nothing is more stressful in times of loss than the feeling that you must say yes to everybody’s request. Creating an equal flow between giving and receiving helps us give joyfully and receive graciously so that we don’t deplete our resources. In times of grieving it’s ok to receive more knowing when you are back on track you will have a cornucopia to give.

2) The body really is a temple. The body houses the incredible “you” so it is imperative that we give it the respect and thanks it deserves by making good choices about what eat and then making sure we nourish it with exercise as well. A key indicator that we are functioning on overload during the grieving process is extreme lethargy and brain fog or lack of concentration. When we fuel ourselves with good nutrition and exercise, our immune system will be better equipped to handle high periods of prolonged stress and sadness. Sometimes it is a great idea to enlist the help of a nutritionist, and or personal trainer to take the guesswork out of optimum physical health.

3) Live with passionate – Passion keeps the embers inside of us burning brightly. It evokes emotions of joy that are created deep within. Passion delivers reason and celebration. Engaging in activities we are passionate about in times of grief or sadness releases us even if temporarily from those heavy feelings so that we are able to refresh ourselves and continue healing. It’s like taking a min vacation or break from all that we are trying to find our way through and gently reminds us of the good things life offers.

4) Connect with your higher being – Never more prominent than in a time of crisis are we aware or unaware of the higher being each and every one of us is connected to. If you already feel that connection than allow yourself to draw closer to it. If you are unaware, then it is normal to ask questions such as “What do I believe in?” “Who am I?’ “Why am I here?’ As painful as loss and difficult transitions may be, they are often a space that can connect us to a more aware and higher quality of life. A coach who specializes in this type of work can often assist you in opening doors that at the moment may seem closed.

5) No woman is an island – Enlist loving support. Maybe it is family or friends, or maybe your church. It can be those that you share a hobby with. The idea here is to be with those who share commonalities with you in some capacity you care about. This may or not be the place to talk about what you are feeling but rather a place that supports you in other ways that are part of your life. It is people or a place that give you a “full” type of feeling and some feeling of relief.

I hope this helps you put together some very foundational pieces of living a balanced life everyday of your life.

Jennifer Shaw, the compassionate Grief and Loss/Mid Life Transition coach, eliminates her client’s deep emotional pain, helping them breakthrough through their fears of the unknown, and leading them to step confidently into a life of happiness and success. Jennifer gets to the heart of the matter utilizing her unique HEAL® Process, which combines the ability to ‘fine tune’ and create a custom plan for groups or individuals that delivers the results they desire leading them to achieve their ultimate goals and live a life of true purpose.

For more information on coaching through loss and mid life transitions and receive a complimentary session please visit http://www.jennifershawcoaching.com. Download your free e-book on how to survive any major crisis while you are there.

It is with much love and gratitude she shares this journey with you.

This morning in anticipation of spring, I took Zoey my Airedale and Brussels, my mini Schnauzer, to the pet groomers to get the winter grim and wool off. Farm dogs live a different life than city dogs; at least they do here, Read the rest of this entry »

One of the most painful and fearful parts of grief is the first stage and that is being willing to come face to face with loss. It’s human nature for us to not be engaged in living our lives when we are heartbroken and afraid.

As painful as allowing yourself to actually be in the situation is, it is far more painful if you continue to suffer through pretending life is a different way that what it actually is.
Below are 4 tips on how to actually move into the present or as I refer to it, the “here and now”.

1) Stay connected to living your own life

When you focus daily on living a quality life with mind, body and spirituality balanced and in alignment, and you suffer a loss, you then have multiple areas of support to pull from. Stay connected to who you are. Don’t depend on others for your happiness. This will serve you well both in times of joy and loss.

2) Being in denial is ok for a short period of time.

Denial or victim mode basically sends out the message to the outside world, ” Don’t bother me, or ask anything of me, feel sorry for me because I am wounded right now”. This is an important part of our self-survival mode. It is a protection for us while we come to grips with the sorrow and fear we may be trying to face. It is only when we cling to this stage that it becomes non-serving. Grant yourself permission to feel like a victim, knowing that by allowing these feelings you are taking away the power of being victimized.

3) One good feeling is all it takes.

It’s difficult facing a loss so instead of trying to force yourself to deal, trying this gentler version; find a happy thought about the person or part of your life you lost and focus on it. Shifting from a negative thought pattern to a positive one allows you to release resistance and open a space to slowly begin to come into the present. You come into the moment feeling full of life rather than empty and hollow.

4) Trust and reach for the guidance from within

Loss is a very humbling experience. It brings us to the focus of how very fragile life, as we know it is. Reaching within for relief is not about having the answers but rather knowing somehow, someway the answers will come. Asking for guidance is simply saying, “Please send guidance my way”, and then trusting it is on the way.

These 4 simple steps give you the act of willingness and the act of willingness creates movement. Movement is the constant in our life that allows us to achieve happiness and success on level we choose.

Jennifer Shaw, the compassionate Grief and Loss coach, eliminates her client’s deep emotional pain, helping them breakthrough through their fears of the unknown, and leading them to step confidently into a life of happiness and success. Jennifer gets to the heart of the matter utilizing her unique HEAL® Process, which combines the ability to ‘fine tune’ and create a custom plan for groups or individuals that delivers the results they desire leading them to achieve their ultimate goals and live a life of true purpose.

For more information on coaching through loss – contact me!

One of the most impactful changes in our life revolves around the loss of someone we love. Though we know this sad part of life is inevitable, many times we are unprepared to deal with the emotion of grief.
Navigating through this difficult time can be less stressful when we understand that we still have the power of choice. Below is a list to help you retain your power of choice in dealing with loss.

1) Choose to Prepare

Be clear on your own personal affairs and in expressing how you want things handled. Make sure loved ones know where all-important records such as a will, living will, phone numbers for attorney, minister etc are. Express how you see your passing handled. Do you want a burial service or perhaps a cremation? A well spelled out plan on all the arrangements takes a lot of uncertainty off those you love that are left behind It also helps them feel more complete in honoring your wishes.
Find an appropriate time to ask your loved ones for the same information and explain to them with great compassion you are asking so that all arrangements are handled in accordance with their wishes.

2) Choose to Practice Forgiveness

Life can be fragile and altered in an instant. Harboring anger toward others or ourselves can leave us with great remorse that can be difficult to overcome in the event of a loved one passing. The ability to forgive readily not only relieves us from guilt of what “should have been”, it improves the quality of available time we share in the present moment.

3) Choose to Speak the Words, ” I love you” on a regular basis.

Letting those you care about know how you feel gives you reassurance that they understand how special they are in your life. This can be a great comfort to everyone when faced with an untimely loss.

4) Choose to be strong in Faith.

Discover and connect to knowing that the ebb and flow of life is intentional and part of a much grander plan than our own existence here on earth. Take the time to understand what faith means to you and call upon it to help ground you daily and especially in times of loss.

5) Choose to allow yourself the willingness to be in the moment.

No matter how painful loss is, denial keeps us a prisoner of suffering. Seek help from a professional such as a Grief and Loss Coach if you are having a hard time admitting what has happened and moving forward in your life.

I am an early riser. Since the age of six, Saturdays and summer vacations I would bound out of bed at the crack of dawn eager to go to the barn and spend the day with my pony. This habit has stayed with me my whole life. Each morning I greet the day by going the barn to take care of six dear equine friends accompanied by two Irish Wolfhounds, a Greyhound, a precocious Airedale and one big black cat who behaves more like his canine family. As we cross the fields I give thanks for all that I have and ask the question,” how I can serve today?” This sets the tone for my whole day.

Today is special. I am going in town to speak with a woman’s charity about assisting some courageous women who are battered and torn, gain skills, heal wounds and begin new lives filled with a dream. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to touch a life and offer hope. Charity work is by far my favorite part of my business and becomes increasingly a more vital part of my life as my business grows.

I am telling you this not only because I love to talk about it, but also because of the importance this mind and heart set has played in upping my game in my business. You notice I didn’t just say mindset  -I said mind and HEART set. The most significant change in my life and my business was when I allowed myself to incorporate the two and make them one.

I have spent countless hours going through the motions of defining my target audience. I knew pretty much from the start who they were. Various mentors gave me lists of relevant questions to ask myself about who these people were and where they hang out etc. and I went through the motions of doing all of these assignments yet something was missing. The connection was there but not complete and my business reflected this. The enigma of how to push to next level remained unsolved for the better part of a year as I struggled and let my business mindset control me. Frankly, at times I felt like throwing in the towel.

THE BREAKTHROUGH

It seems like the break through occurred overnight but it didn’t really. The breakthrough occurred slowly by asking everyday that simple question, “How can I serve today?”

I have always felt the question to a certain extent but it took a series of not so pleasant events to bring this question into better alignment for me. This summer I have battled with some intense physical pain from an old injury that rears it’s ugly head at different times. And on top of that, one of my treasured Wolfhounds, Morgan, is nearing her last days on this earth.

As summer comes to an end, I am reminded of the ebb and flow of life and have drawn closer to the reasons why I am here. Grief is a portal to another phase or stage of life. It brings sadness but its gift is wisdom. It’s brings us to a moment of aloneness filled with memories of much togetherness. It teaches us to get out of our own way so that we may see the clearer path and in this case has brought me closer than ever to whom I serve in business.

Heart set, which is probably not even a term, is what the guts of your business and life are about. It shows up in ways that may seem totally unrelated to your work but if you will allow yourself the opportunity to feel the moment and ask for the lesson you will be rewarded in ways you could only dream of.

I wish you a mind and HEART set business!

Can you feel it? Times are changing in business success. There is a wave of energy as successful entrepreneurs everywhere take control of their business and their lives. By now hopefully I have you on the edge of your seat so lean in closer and I will share with you what I believe to be the paradigm shift of the century. Read the rest of this entry »

New post: How Does The Power of Choice Affect Transitions? http://cli.gs/e4uQ5

Post Edited: Value #2 – Loyalty and Grieving http://cli.gs/dztJm

Value #2 Loyalty

Loyalty is a passion that mirrors strength and a deep feeling of being grounded. Being loyal says, “ I stand by you, my thoughts, or actions no matter how tough the going gets.” It is an expression of being true to something or someone we value.

In everyday life, loyalty can serve us as a foundation for staying on course. For example, have you ever had those days when you feel disconnected from something important you are working on?Staying loyal to the “why” of your project allows you to take small consistent actions that eventually bring clarity and put you back on track.

Loyalty is of great service in the building of relationships. It is often a very secure feeling that makes you feel you are not alone. It can fill you with a sense of accomplishment and pride in knowing that you stand for something or someone in the grand scheme of things.

When you commit to being loyal to yourself, you are extending permission to not having to be perfect. You are allowing yourself to grow, explore, succeed, and have failure. Loyalty to yourself is an expression of self-love.

Being loyal is a powerful commitment of choice to ride the waves of uncertainty, having faith in the end results. As expected, as life evolves and changes so does the decision on how to use loyalty. One of the strongest examples of what I am talking about is when you lose a person you love. In the grieving process often times, there is a tendency to hold onto mourning because of a sense of loyalty. You may feel that by not being as sad as you once were, that somehow you are no longer being loyal to the passing of that soul. You may feel guilty when you are beginning to move forward with your life.

I would like to share three tips that will help in directing loyalty in a more positive way when you are grieving or going through a transitional time:

• One of the best and easiest places to start is to recall the many good times you shared. Use as many of your senses as you can with this. For example, if it was a special outing, remember what the day or night felt like, was it sunny and hot, maybe it was raining and cold, or perhaps it was evening. Allow yourself to FEEL as many of the details as possible. Being thorough like that creates a stronger connection to those memories, which promotes a sense of loyalty.

• If you feel yourself becoming sad, or feeling guilty ask, yourself if the person you are grieving for would want you to feel this way. Knowing you are in alignment with another’s wishes brings forth a strong sense of loyalty.

• Make a list of all the characteristics this person had that you admired. Beside each write a sentence or two that reflects how those qualities enhanced who you are and what lessons you learned from them. Being mindful of the ways others have enhanced your life is a lasting and beautiful way to be loyal.

I hope this helps. Using the three tips listed above has helped through many times when the way has been clouded with uncertainty and I have felt guilt and sadness creeping in. Give it try –it may be just what you are looking for!

New post: Grief and Loss Coaching http://cli.gs/7UsmU