Archive for January, 2011

One of the most painful and fearful parts of grief is the first stage and that is being willing to come face to face with loss. It’s human nature for us to not be engaged in living our lives when we are heartbroken and afraid.

As painful as allowing yourself to actually be in the situation is, it is far more painful if you continue to suffer through pretending life is a different way that what it actually is.
Below are 4 tips on how to actually move into the present or as I refer to it, the “here and now”.

1) Stay connected to living your own life

When you focus daily on living a quality life with mind, body and spirituality balanced and in alignment, and you suffer a loss, you then have multiple areas of support to pull from. Stay connected to who you are. Don’t depend on others for your happiness. This will serve you well both in times of joy and loss.

2) Being in denial is ok for a short period of time.

Denial or victim mode basically sends out the message to the outside world, ” Don’t bother me, or ask anything of me, feel sorry for me because I am wounded right now”. This is an important part of our self-survival mode. It is a protection for us while we come to grips with the sorrow and fear we may be trying to face. It is only when we cling to this stage that it becomes non-serving. Grant yourself permission to feel like a victim, knowing that by allowing these feelings you are taking away the power of being victimized.

3) One good feeling is all it takes.

It’s difficult facing a loss so instead of trying to force yourself to deal, trying this gentler version; find a happy thought about the person or part of your life you lost and focus on it. Shifting from a negative thought pattern to a positive one allows you to release resistance and open a space to slowly begin to come into the present. You come into the moment feeling full of life rather than empty and hollow.

4) Trust and reach for the guidance from within

Loss is a very humbling experience. It brings us to the focus of how very fragile life, as we know it is. Reaching within for relief is not about having the answers but rather knowing somehow, someway the answers will come. Asking for guidance is simply saying, “Please send guidance my way”, and then trusting it is on the way.

These 4 simple steps give you the act of willingness and the act of willingness creates movement. Movement is the constant in our life that allows us to achieve happiness and success on level we choose.

Jennifer Shaw, the compassionate Grief and Loss coach, eliminates her client’s deep emotional pain, helping them breakthrough through their fears of the unknown, and leading them to step confidently into a life of happiness and success. Jennifer gets to the heart of the matter utilizing her unique HEAL® Process, which combines the ability to ‘fine tune’ and create a custom plan for groups or individuals that delivers the results they desire leading them to achieve their ultimate goals and live a life of true purpose.

For more information on coaching through loss – contact me!

One of the most impactful changes in our life revolves around the loss of someone we love. Though we know this sad part of life is inevitable, many times we are unprepared to deal with the emotion of grief.
Navigating through this difficult time can be less stressful when we understand that we still have the power of choice. Below is a list to help you retain your power of choice in dealing with loss.

1) Choose to Prepare

Be clear on your own personal affairs and in expressing how you want things handled. Make sure loved ones know where all-important records such as a will, living will, phone numbers for attorney, minister etc are. Express how you see your passing handled. Do you want a burial service or perhaps a cremation? A well spelled out plan on all the arrangements takes a lot of uncertainty off those you love that are left behind It also helps them feel more complete in honoring your wishes.
Find an appropriate time to ask your loved ones for the same information and explain to them with great compassion you are asking so that all arrangements are handled in accordance with their wishes.

2) Choose to Practice Forgiveness

Life can be fragile and altered in an instant. Harboring anger toward others or ourselves can leave us with great remorse that can be difficult to overcome in the event of a loved one passing. The ability to forgive readily not only relieves us from guilt of what “should have been”, it improves the quality of available time we share in the present moment.

3) Choose to Speak the Words, ” I love you” on a regular basis.

Letting those you care about know how you feel gives you reassurance that they understand how special they are in your life. This can be a great comfort to everyone when faced with an untimely loss.

4) Choose to be strong in Faith.

Discover and connect to knowing that the ebb and flow of life is intentional and part of a much grander plan than our own existence here on earth. Take the time to understand what faith means to you and call upon it to help ground you daily and especially in times of loss.

5) Choose to allow yourself the willingness to be in the moment.

No matter how painful loss is, denial keeps us a prisoner of suffering. Seek help from a professional such as a Grief and Loss Coach if you are having a hard time admitting what has happened and moving forward in your life.