I did something new yesterday that I had been putting off for sometime. I took a tour of our Woodford County animal adoption center. You see, being the devoted and loyal animal lover that I am, I could not bear to go and see our lost or sadly given up animals that are eagerly waiting for their new forever homes. I allowed my mind to create images that frankly I did not feel comfortable with and though through the years I have given in several other ways of support, I never made the trip to see how our Humane Society works.

Reluctantly I got out of my car and slowly headed toward the door. Immediately upon entering the building my whole attitude did an abrupt about face. What I saw was something of great wonder. A cheery face greeted me as I announced myself and waited for my tour to begin. To the left was a big window with an open room with several cats roaming around or lounging on one of the many hammocks or perches. Cats with actual rooms to roam in an adoption center? A marketing tactic I assumed. Again, I was wrong. As I strolled through the facility around every turn I was amazed at what I saw. More cats in more rooms enjoying the same benefits of moving around freely in their cat like aloofness.

Outside were large play yards with happy, tail wagging dogs that romped in the sunshine and greeted us. On nice days every dog gets the opportunity to enjoy his or her chance to run and play and just be a dog. As we passed through the kennels, which are indoor/outdoor, every little face was bright with excitement of what the future holds. Not one sad face did I see anywhere. Clearly every animal there feels the love; safety and dedication of each and every one who faithfully contributes through time or funding to make this incredible place a reality.

Did I mention the quarantine area for cats that come in sick and have the wonderful opportunity to become well and again be someone’s treasured pet? In fact there is even a special emergency fund that pays for extraordinary medical care for pets that would otherwise not make it.

I left the adoption center happy and full of hope of what is yet to come. Driving home, through the country, back to my family of pets I was over come with gratitude. I am proud beyond words, of our community. It takes special people to create and share such a vision and to extend so much love and care to our four legged friends. I encourage you to go out to the center, take the tour and see for yourself what we as a community have created. My guess is your heart, like mine will overflow.

In quiet, patient kneeled silence he waits, back turned.
He knows the difference between drawn and driven.
Slowly, hesitantly she is drawn
Like water seeking the lower pool
She steps forward in hesitant curiosity.
Could she trust the hospitality offered so passively?
Could he understand the pain, anger and fear she felt?
He feels her breath warmly exhaled on his back.
There is no lurch of harness.
The gift of trust is stillness.
The gentle Spirit plants the seed of healing.
She listens poised to flee
Then drinks the message of forgiveness
In God’s time – KAIROS .

Today I am sharing 5 tips that will not only enhance your day to day living but help support you in times of greater need.

1) Don’t be a people pleaser – Learn to set and keep boundaries- nothing is more stressful in times of loss than the feeling that you must say yes to everybody’s request. Creating an equal flow between giving and receiving helps us give joyfully and receive graciously so that we don’t deplete our resources. In times of grieving it’s ok to receive more knowing when you are back on track you will have a cornucopia to give.

2) The body really is a temple. The body houses the incredible “you” so it is imperative that we give it the respect and thanks it deserves by making good choices about what eat and then making sure we nourish it with exercise as well. A key indicator that we are functioning on overload during the grieving process is extreme lethargy and brain fog or lack of concentration. When we fuel ourselves with good nutrition and exercise, our immune system will be better equipped to handle high periods of prolonged stress and sadness. Sometimes it is a great idea to enlist the help of a nutritionist, and or personal trainer to take the guesswork out of optimum physical health.

3) Live with passionate – Passion keeps the embers inside of us burning brightly. It evokes emotions of joy that are created deep within. Passion delivers reason and celebration. Engaging in activities we are passionate about in times of grief or sadness releases us even if temporarily from those heavy feelings so that we are able to refresh ourselves and continue healing. It’s like taking a min vacation or break from all that we are trying to find our way through and gently reminds us of the good things life offers.

4) Connect with your higher being – Never more prominent than in a time of crisis are we aware or unaware of the higher being each and every one of us is connected to. If you already feel that connection than allow yourself to draw closer to it. If you are unaware, then it is normal to ask questions such as “What do I believe in?” “Who am I?’ “Why am I here?’ As painful as loss and difficult transitions may be, they are often a space that can connect us to a more aware and higher quality of life. A coach who specializes in this type of work can often assist you in opening doors that at the moment may seem closed.

5) No woman is an island – Enlist loving support. Maybe it is family or friends, or maybe your church. It can be those that you share a hobby with. The idea here is to be with those who share commonalities with you in some capacity you care about. This may or not be the place to talk about what you are feeling but rather a place that supports you in other ways that are part of your life. It is people or a place that give you a “full” type of feeling and some feeling of relief.

I hope this helps you put together some very foundational pieces of living a balanced life everyday of your life.

Jennifer Shaw, the compassionate Grief and Loss/Mid Life Transition coach, eliminates her client’s deep emotional pain, helping them breakthrough through their fears of the unknown, and leading them to step confidently into a life of happiness and success. Jennifer gets to the heart of the matter utilizing her unique HEAL® Process, which combines the ability to ‘fine tune’ and create a custom plan for groups or individuals that delivers the results they desire leading them to achieve their ultimate goals and live a life of true purpose.

For more information on coaching through loss and mid life transitions and receive a complimentary session please visit http://www.jennifershawcoaching.com. Download your free e-book on how to survive any major crisis while you are there.

It is with much love and gratitude she shares this journey with you.

It was all about going through life masking our true self to the outside world.

This got me to thinking about how often this occurs when we are grieving for some type of loss in our life.

Let me explain. How many times when you have suffered a personal loss in your life you have heard something like, “Oh you will be fine”, or “ You are strong, you’ll get over this”? It seems no one wants to address the big white elephant in the room of how we feel, so with very good intentions they gloss over the hurt and try to convince us we don’t’ really feel bad after all.

I heard these sayings a lot when in one short year I lost three key people, in my life and topped it off with a house fire in which complications from that fire caused the passing of three treasured pets. People just kept telling me how I was strong I was and I was going to be fine until I finally felt like there was something really wrong with me because instead of feeling strong I felt weak and hollow. I couldn’t hold a single thought pattern for even a few minutes let alone have an intelligent conversation. Instead of feeling fine, I was shell shocked wondering what was going to happen next.

So I chose the most obvious path; the path of pretending. Each morning when I got out of bed I put on my perfect smiling, I am doing fine mask. I chose to pretend I was ok thinking maybe if I just kept telling myself what everyone else was telling me I would magically wake up one morning and life would be back to normal. And even if that didn’t happen, I sure wasn’t going to let anyone else know.

The first key in healing any loss is fully acknowledging it. We can’t possibly get on with our life until we heal the wounds that hold us prisoner.  We can’t heal those wounds until we stop pretending they are not there.

Some of my colleagues may frown of me writing the raw material that shows my flaws. After all, how I am going to help others if I too can be guilty of the same feelings anyone in crisis may be experiencing? But I stand in front of you stripped bare of any pretenses that I have all the answers and show you, somewhat fearfully, exactly who I am. Someone who is all too familiar with what you may be going through but has equipped themselves with the best education  and support possible to put my own self under a microscope and heal inwardly so that I can walk respectfully and lovingly beside you in your journey.

What mask are you wearing today? Is it one that says I am ok when you’re really not? Or does it say I am better /smarter/prettier/more successful than you, when inside you feel so less than?

Life is about being who you truly are and knowing with all your being wherever you are is where you are meant to be. No matter how emotionally charged that place is, you must claim it to move forward to a better feeling place.

So with much love and respect I challenge you today. Rip off the mask of pretending and stand naked in your brilliance. It the first step of healing and being truly free.

Brussels curled up in the seat beside me and Zoey sat up in the back calmly and curiously watching out the window. They didn’t seem to mind when I dropped them off and told them I would be back to get them later. It was a normal picture. All was well and then it happened.

Out of nowhere came a wave of anxiety and panic that enveloped my entire body as I drove toward home. Clenching the steering wheel and somewhat confused, I asked myself, “What is going on?”

Then as if I audience to a bad movie it felt as if I was surrounded by a giant panoramic screen and the scenes playing were my burning house from several years ago.

I was able to rescue my dogs but just as I, they were heavily traumatized from not only the fire but also the borage of loud noises, smells, added traffic and strange men that invaded our life for the next year and a half. During the renovations I, three Irish Wolfhounds and one Greyhound survived clinging to one another in our small 3-room guest apartment on the farm. There was barely room to breathe let alone move around. So the five of us ate, sat and slept in a forlorn huddle while life, as we knew it was no more.

The renovations finally ended, the strange men left and we bought a new farm to call home but like the smell of a skunk, the trauma would seem to disappear only to come hauntingly back again and remind us of the event we were trying so desperately trying to erase from not just our minds but our sight, smell and our hearing as well.

But what does taking these two new dogs going to the groomer have to do with other dogs and the fire of my farmhouse? It was the first time I had ever taken dogs in car since that dreadful day when as firemen rushed around trying to put out flames and EMT’s tried unsuccessfully to rescue my cats, that I frantically loaded all dogs into my blazer and rushed them to an Equine hospital that had heard about the fire and so graciously offered the use of their Hyperbaric Chamber which probably did save my dogs from all the smoke they had inhaled.

Somehow in the mysteries of my subconscious mind I was connecting dogs riding in my car with what at the time was probably the worst day of my life and now almost four years later I was reliving the panic and fear I felt that gruesome day.

The lesson: Healing comes from the heart in layers over time. It occurs when we can face head on and reframe thoughts that render our hearts broken.

I share this with you because if you are reading my blog, you or someone you care about is probably grieving from some sort of loss in their life. I want you to know that thinking you are over it completely only to discover some random day with a totally unconnected event discover you are not, is normal. And just as this day is unique to me, your “day’ will be to you as well.

The gift lies in identifying the cause and calling it out of its hiding where, when exposed to air it dries up and withers away.

The rest of the drive home was surprisingly peaceful as I mentally marked the celebration of one more layer of grief that has lost its grip on me.

If you are someone you know has unresolved grief surrounding any kind of loss then I encourage to sign up for a complimentary session with me today @ http://www.Jennifershawcoaching.com There you will see a sign up box on page in the right hand margin. It is my mission to help sort out the thoughts that are you holding you captive so that you can erase your fears and more confidently forward with your life. It is with love and gratitude I share the journey with you.

As painful as allowing yourself to actually be in the situation is, it is far more painful if you continue to suffer through pretending life is a different way that what it actually is.
Below are 4 tips on how to actually move into the present or as I refer to it, the “here and now”.

1) Stay connected to living your own life

When you focus daily on living a quality life with mind, body and spirituality balanced and in alignment, and you suffer a loss, you then have multiple areas of support to pull from. Stay connected to who you are. Don’t depend on others for your happiness. This will serve you well both in times of joy and loss.

2) Being in denial is ok for a short period of time.

Denial or victim mode basically sends out the message to the outside world, ” Don’t bother me, or ask anything of me, feel sorry for me because I am wounded right now”. This is an important part of our self-survival mode. It is a protection for us while we come to grips with the sorrow and fear we may be trying to face. It is only when we cling to this stage that it becomes non-serving. Grant yourself permission to feel like a victim, knowing that by allowing these feelings you are taking away the power of being victimized.

3) One good feeling is all it takes.

It’s difficult facing a loss so instead of trying to force yourself to deal, trying this gentler version; find a happy thought about the person or part of your life you lost and focus on it. Shifting from a negative thought pattern to a positive one allows you to release resistance and open a space to slowly begin to come into the present. You come into the moment feeling full of life rather than empty and hollow.

4) Trust and reach for the guidance from within

Loss is a very humbling experience. It brings us to the focus of how very fragile life, as we know it is. Reaching within for relief is not about having the answers but rather knowing somehow, someway the answers will come. Asking for guidance is simply saying, “Please send guidance my way”, and then trusting it is on the way.

These 4 simple steps give you the act of willingness and the act of willingness creates movement. Movement is the constant in our life that allows us to achieve happiness and success on level we choose.

Jennifer Shaw, the compassionate Grief and Loss coach, eliminates her client’s deep emotional pain, helping them breakthrough through their fears of the unknown, and leading them to step confidently into a life of happiness and success. Jennifer gets to the heart of the matter utilizing her unique HEAL® Process, which combines the ability to ‘fine tune’ and create a custom plan for groups or individuals that delivers the results they desire leading them to achieve their ultimate goals and live a life of true purpose.

For more information on coaching through loss – contact me!

1) Choose to Prepare

Be clear on your own personal affairs and in expressing how you want things handled. Make sure loved ones know where all-important records such as a will, living will, phone numbers for attorney, minister etc are. Express how you see your passing handled. Do you want a burial service or perhaps a cremation? A well spelled out plan on all the arrangements takes a lot of uncertainty off those you love that are left behind It also helps them feel more complete in honoring your wishes.
Find an appropriate time to ask your loved ones for the same information and explain to them with great compassion you are asking so that all arrangements are handled in accordance with their wishes.

2) Choose to Practice Forgiveness

Life can be fragile and altered in an instant. Harboring anger toward others or ourselves can leave us with great remorse that can be difficult to overcome in the event of a loved one passing. The ability to forgive readily not only relieves us from guilt of what “should have been”, it improves the quality of available time we share in the present moment.

3) Choose to Speak the Words, ” I love you” on a regular basis.

Letting those you care about know how you feel gives you reassurance that they understand how special they are in your life. This can be a great comfort to everyone when faced with an untimely loss.

4) Choose to be strong in Faith.

Discover and connect to knowing that the ebb and flow of life is intentional and part of a much grander plan than our own existence here on earth. Take the time to understand what faith means to you and call upon it to help ground you daily and especially in times of loss.

5) Choose to allow yourself the willingness to be in the moment.

No matter how painful loss is, denial keeps us a prisoner of suffering. Seek help from a professional such as a Grief and Loss Coach if you are having a hard time admitting what has happened and moving forward in your life.

For six short months all authors wrote, conversed, learned, taught, and marketed. And boy did we market! Our relentless marketing guru, Kathleen Gage and company kept us right on track. There was never a day without at least one email with clear instructions that even a rookie like me could get (well, most of the time anyway)!

Our publishers, Christine Kloser and Lynn Klippel must have reminded us to breath well over a hundred times. With their expertise and heartfelt energy they complied our stories in an order that flows so beautifully, I cried my eyes out the first time I read the complete book.

Marlene Oulton was kind yet exact in her editing and made my sometimes rambling, garbled sentences actually make sense.

The support from very distinguished entrepreneurs all over the world who graciously rolled out their support through rave reviews, interviews and blogs supporting us was breath taking. All resonated with the logistics and clearly loved what this special book stands for. It was evident we all agree, our time as conscious business owners is NOW.

When the day of the much-anticipated launch rolled around, this group that were strangers in the beginning pulled together as one, laughing and supporting one another the way old friends do.  To no ones surprise but to everyone’s delight, we rose to #1 in FOUR categories on AMAZON.

Suddenly it all made sense. The Alignment had occurred, the Expansion had taken place and we were now basking in total sweet success. Life surely doesn’t get much better than this!

Life is so great in fact that Christine and Lynn gracioously gifted each of us with their wildly successful “Get Your Book Done” course and all of us are continuing the journey, this time writing our own individual books. The ideas I have heard from my colleagues are creative and exciting. Individuality is blooming as we each prepare to carve out not a chapter but an entire book on a subject dear to our hearts. As other professed their great ideas, I wondered what I would write about.

As I walked on the farm this morning with dogs by my side, (my morning ritual), I watched a female hawk soar against the blue autumn sky. The hawk is a resident here on the farm and blesses me with her presence often. It is said that if a hawk is one of your power animals when she appears it is to remind you to view the complete picture and to trust in the power you can generate by moving with the currents of your life. While viewing the panorama, you will have a sharp ability to view details that need your attention.*

Today she served as reminder of the expansion of my life and spirituality during the last six months. She also served as an overview of what is to come.

My topic for my book has been decided. It is a topic that I have been called not only to write about but serve through charity as well.

Several years ago after a significant house fire in my home, I was humbly searching for ways to put my life back together. The purpose that came in meditation when I posed this question was “to affect women who need to heal in a powerful and meaningful way”. I had no idea really what that meant at the time but slowly the purpose has been revealing itself to me in baby steps as I have been ready.

Watching the hawk soar with grace and ease this morning I knew with all my being my next book is part of that purpose.

Thank you all for being part of the steps to bring me to the next phase of the journey.

You may ask, “What is the book about?” Stay tuned!

Jennifer Shaw, ACC is owner of Jennifer Shaw Coaching. As an inspirational speaker, coach, and author of published articles, her greatest fulfillment comes from supporting baby boomers women as they face the emotional pain and fear of a major life change and learn to step confidently into the next stage of life. To learn more about Jennifer Shaw and download a FREE e-book on how to HEAL, please visit www.JenniferShawCoaching.com.

Information taken from Power Animals by Steven Farmer

2010 Jennifer Shaw

If you have ever been to Kentucky, or as we say ”The Heart of the Bluegrass” in the beginning of October then you know it truly is a small piece of heaven. With brisk, fresh afternoon air and a crystal blue sky that supported billowy angel wing like clouds it was a perfect time to be out of my office and stepping into nature at it’s finest.

After a lite lunch in a delightful café in the small town of Wilmore we headed over to the Equestrian part of the college. A winding wooded drive led us back to a most impressive barn and arena. Entering into the arena we were greeted by two passionate students on horseback. You may ask how do I know they were passionate? Because it was written all over their smiling faces. In fact their enthusiasm was so contagious that I could not wait to learn more about what seemed to make this school so special.

Turns out, hands down it is their leader and Dean that creates this promising atmosphere for future conscious entrepreneurial spirits. The girls were proud and eager to share with me how their Dean encourages anyone with an idea or dream to come forth and whenever possible helps initiate an action plan to make that idea come true. A shining example of this is the equestrian vaulting team they now have which was birthed and is taught by a student from Germany. This remarkable girl brought her passion from her homeland and shared it with her new friends and colleagues as they put together a plan that was approved by the Dean and is successfully being implemented here at school. The program is so successful that they are now teaching children on Friday afternoons how to vault on horseback!

As I was getting ready to leave a lively bunch of young girls ran around the corner shouting a welcome to horses and teachers obviously excited to begin their lesson.

As I drove home I got to thinking about all I had experienced on this gorgeous fall afternoon. Gifts come to us in unexpected wrappings. A day out of the office turned out to be so much more. One creative, ingenious man consciously doing business of inspiring and building other conscious leaders who in turn are sharing their gift with an even younger generation teaching them to dream big and live passionately. Now that is paying it forward!